Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
