Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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