Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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