I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
