Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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