My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize