The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
