i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
