genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
