Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
