I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
