I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
