Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
