Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
