I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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