just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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