moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
