is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
