Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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