Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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