you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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