Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
