I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
