So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
