I cockslap morals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
