he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
