it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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