he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
