so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
