pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
