i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize