A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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