Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize