How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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