I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
