Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
