Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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