I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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