At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
