I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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