just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
