So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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