I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
