cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
