I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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