Having a random hookup so left but love u
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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