why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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