I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
