Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
