I CAN MOONWALK!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
