I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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