I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
