he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
