The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize