pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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