woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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