In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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