At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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