Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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