I feel great
I just peed on a car
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
