he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
