He disabled his match.com account in front of me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
