I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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