And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
