I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
