i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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