Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
