what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it hurts more in the daytime
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
