What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He kissed a someone with a penis
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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