Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you have to choose: penises or morals?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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