I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize