i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
