my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
