The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
