This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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