I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we have officially lost it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
