Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
