I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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