my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
