Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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