She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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