she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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