singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
