Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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