I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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