she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize