It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
