I wannas sexs uuuuu
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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