JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize