I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
