Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
