Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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