Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think your dad took our porno
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
