I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
