HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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