my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
