I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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