Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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