Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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