His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
