Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
