Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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