Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
