your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
