Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
